Monday, October 31, 2005

Always on time?

I wasn't exactly the most punctual boy in class.
heck i was one late cookie!

I'm gonna write about that next.

But till i do that, here's something i always wished i had said when late.

Wani's lecture used to begin at 7:00 am, i used to perpetually reach college by 7:20

Wani: Why are you late?
Me (sarcastically): Because its past 7 ?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Poor kids, they're screwed.

So it goes this way. When you plan on doing something specific (not necessarily terrific). You end up doing something else instead (so don't eat my head). Which works out great!

I was going to write about some college stuff we did, and I will soon too.
But this just had to go up immediately.
You see, Shivprakash and I had gone to college on the way back home from some work. So we met up with Sujeet, the lab assistant and of course, where there's a Sujeet, there's always a Santosh. And boy, did Sujeet tell us a really cool incident or what!

You see after our batch left, lots of teachers also left, one after another. Too bad. Because some of them were good. Some. And now only a couple of the old teachers are there with the usual staff. So they are managing it all. And all that our batch can think is "Poor kids (TY now!). They're screwed", and all that the TY kids are saying now are, "Damn! We're screwed!". Plus now SQL Ma'am is the coordinator. Which was quite a logical decision as she is the next best thing. Well. Close enough.

But best at what?!

Ever since day one, (which I can't really remember) we have been fascinated by her fascination for food. She is undoubtedly the Jughead of our class. Of course, she's a teacher. So you can say she's a Jughead meets Ms. Grundy. :)
And now that she's the coordinator, Umesh simply suggested to put up the canteen's menu on the Computer Department's Notice Board. (It WILL save a lot of time y'know). And she is just the coordinator, not yet an HOD. (brrrr! How i shudder at that 'yet')

So Sujeet and Santosh are having a tough time with the new 'HOD' because she probably wants to put things back in order again.
Oh wait.
...because she probably wants to place an order. Again! "Hello canteen? Vada Paw bhejo."

So it would be Santosh's fault if it doesn't reach on time or if its cold by the time. (No matter the fact that its kept right under the A/C). Of course it would be his fault! Wouldn't it? He can keep it hot for sure. After all he is the most hot tempered person there anyway! So acting on that, now he gets mad and vanishes off everytime he is needed in the lab. (which is surprisingly a lot now that HODs changed, and he has become indispensible now - brrrr! again)

What then?

This is what, according to me, is going to be a typical lab scene now:

Umesh is an ordinary kid in TY now, waiting for the HOD to be free so she can sign his journal.

Umesh: "Ma'am?..."
HOD: "Arrey Umesh, zara Santosh ko dhoond ke lao!"
Umesh: "Ma'am woh toh pata nahin kahan gaayab hogaya."
HOD: "Zaara, dekho na. Baahar hi hoga."
So Umesh goes outside.
Umesh: "Arrey, Sujeet sir, ye Santosh kahan hai?"
Sujeet: "Kya kaam hai"
Umesh (upset): "Arrey mujhe kuch kaam nahin hai re! Yeh Ma'am ne bola dhoondne ko. Ma'am ko kuch kaam hoga."
Sujeet (taking him aside): "Woh actually abhi aur kya kaam hoga! Lunch time hua na!"
Umesh (upset): "Arrey, ek kaam karo na! Canteen ka menu yahan notice board pe chaapva do na! Yeh kya ho raha hai yaar!"

This is what, according to me, is going to be a typical lab scene now:
Umesh is an ordinary kid in TY now, waiting for HOD to be free so she can sign his journal.
Umesh: "Ma'am?..."
HOD: "Ah, Umesh, just find Santosh."
Umesh: "Ma'am, I don't know where he vanished."
HOD: "Just check, He ought to be outside."
So Umesh goes outside.
Umesh: "Hey, Sujeet Sir, where's Santosh?"
Sujeet: "What work do you have?"
Umesh (upset): "I don't have any work! That Ma'am asked for him. She must be having some work!"
Sujeet (taking him aside): "Well actually what else now! Its lunch time!"
Umesh (upset): "Argh! Do one thing! Put up the canteen's menu on the notice board! What's going on here!"

Of course, the college carefully scrutinized and recruited new teachers.
(minutes of hysterical laughter)
Hee Hee. There's no end to that! Hee Hee.
I mean, the college is making sure the kids say, "Damn! We're screwed", more often!
So there's this new teacher - Ska Ma'am. Teaches java i think... That's besides the point. She's a good teacher. Heck! Even someone like Suhail - a nasty kid (a proverbial Gagan's follower) was quietly attending her lecture. But she's got a strabismus.

And that is a problem.

So one day in class:
Lecture begins and she asks the class to take notes. Everybody starts. Except Shabri. (that's Shabri! Oh do remind me to tell a cool Shabri joke later on). So Ma'am looks at her and says, "You! Why aren't you writing?". But Shabri doesn't say a word. Why? because before she could, the boy sitting next to her gets up and innocently says, "But Ma'am, I am writing!". Ma'am now points right in between the two and says, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to you!" (Still pointing right in between the two)

When Sujeet told this to us, we burst out laughing! I'm pretty sure the class must have also at that time. I'm sure my class would have. Infact, if it was my class, Gagan would have not let her off so easily.

Consider same scenario in my class, with Gagan sitting in one corner of the class and Shabri sitting in the opposite (far end) of the class. If ma'am would have said, "You! Why aren't you writing?". Before Shabri could have had time to say anything, Gagan would have had got up and said oh-so-innocently, "But ma'am, I'm writing!".
All the way across the class. Wicked!

Best Shabri joke ever:
Q. What would you call her if she was a news
A. Shabri the Khabri!
Courtesy: Chetan

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Coming soon

I know a few of you are waiting for the next blog to come up here. And its due also. Its just that I have been shuffling between two different scenarios and can't really decide which one to put up. One's too huge. So if I do put that one up please don't crib thats its really huge because once you start reading that you're going to read it till the end. The others short and cranky but I still have to spill my beans on that.
Rest assured. There are plenty more blogs to come here.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

If Shekar's gross, thats Shiv's loss!

S.Y.Bsc. - Early morning practicals in the lab one day...

Shekar was sitting on a lone terminal doing some programs, (and as usual you can assume that its not the program thats been told to do). Shivprakash comes up. (or probably sits right next to him... I only remember vaguely.) He casually puts his hand on Shekar's shoulder, just checking what he's doing.

"What's that?!", Shiv says.
"Get your hand off", glancing at the hand on his shoulder.
"There's snot on my shoulder."
"So? Put it in your folder!"

Big pause. Shekar probably stops typing and looks quizically at Shiv. And NOT because it rhymed. Shekar is confused, but he patiently repeats. (Something not really expected from Shekar... but it was a lousy, lazy, lethargic 7 O' Clock in the morning! Like every other 7 O' Clock in the morning in the lab.)

"Dude! There's snot on my shoulder!"
"So? Put it in your folder!"

And this time from the expression Shiv put forward, its pretty clear that Shiv probably doesn't know what snot means. (Or he probably thinks that, gross as he usually is, Shekar still can't be THAT gross... can he??)

[ Wait... Wait... TIME OUT! ]

See here now, in Shekar's defence, (and I really don't know why I'm defending him), it was a cold early morning, air conditioned lab, and he plays a lot of football in the rains, gets wet, and takes a bath only when his ma starts fainting near him. So snot is the only place from where his brain can make a desperate lunge to escape.

And Shiv, well, he says this it not the way it happened at all!. He said he took his hand off as soon as Shekar told him there's snot on it. Now thats more likely to have happened. Because Shiv is the kind of guy who knows what snot is. (Now whether he looked it up under 'S' in the dictionary or not is a different matter entirely.) But in anycase. This is what Shekar told me and Godfrey.

[ Ok. Press any key to continue... ]

"Dude! I'm telling you, there's snot on my shoulder!"
Nothing from Shiv.
"I've got a cold dude, and a runny nose.", "So I used my t-shirt to wipe off!"
"Eeeew!! GROSS MAN!", and wipes it off Shekar's back.
But Shekar really doesn't care.

Of course, I wasn't there when it really happened. I was in the other batch, in the 'inside lab'. Damn! Missed it! But not to worry. Shekar was telling me and Godfrey what had happened. And if you think that was funny, you should have seen the way Shekar was telling Godfrey.
Nose all blocked.